Waiting for the truth

A few months ago, one of my best friends and I had a falling out. Since then, there have been a chain of events that has led up to this day, where I have lost track of what is real and what is not. My friend had been known to make her boyfriend a priority over her friends and for years, I had been fine with it. Before the falling out happened, my friend had not been in contact with any of our mutual group of friends for more than a month and only contacted us when she had a problem. I felt that what she was doing was a bit rude and taking advantage of us. Our other mutual friends knew that they weren’t a priority to her, but only my other best friend and I had the guts to say anything to her. I like to think of myself as an honest person and I try not to hide the truth if it is unnecessary, so I told her my truth and the least I expected was her truth. I told her how I felt about everything and she blamed financial problems for her absence. I knew she had a small financial problem, but I also knew that it was not the whole truth because she had been hanging out with her boyfriend everyday and had not even talked to anyone, including me, even though I had texted her before. She would say one thing, but her actions said another. So, what was I supposed to believe?

A few months after that conversation, she started talking to one of our other mutual friends that she had had a falling out with previously. During that time, I would get information from him while he talked to her. As an unknown source says, “Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half,” and I am afraid I may have gotten the wrong half. All I received was second hand information, so how do I know that everything was true and that nothing was hidden from me. For the past few months, all I have wanted is the truth, even if it hurts. I have always had to sugarcoat things, when telling my friends, to avoid hurt feelings, but this was one of the times where I did not want anything sugarcoated. I wanted to get the whole truth out there and not a lie or half truth. I do not want to live with half truths, whether it be the right half or the wrong half. Sometimes the half truth can hurt even more than the whole truth, especially if the half truth is coming from a trusted friend. I would rather find out the whole truth at once then to learn that vital information was purposefully hidden from me. Things have been so confusing because of these half truths and lies that I don’t even know how to find a solution to this problem. I just want to ignore all this and not have to deal with the confusion of the truths and lies.

As Clarence S. Darrow once said, “The pursuit of truth will set you free; even if you never catch up with it.” I have been cut off from communication to her, so I am afraid I will always be in pursuit of that truth and waiting for my chance to catch it.